This part is written entirely in first person. An invitation to have a vastly different conversation with yourself. I don’t expect you to agree with or believe everything you read in this. My hope is that you will feel YOUR TRUTH in as much of this as possible.
Anything you don’t agree with? Just leave it be. Apparently it’s just not part of your truth or it’s just not time to take it in yet. Both are super fine. You being here and reading this, is indeed a big fat wonderful ‘neon sign’ that you are looking for the right kind of answers for yourself. Give yourself credit and a hug for that.
I invite you to read this, as if you are talking to yourself and keeping an attentive eye on your emotional responses as you read it.
I am safe, I am loved and I belong - regardless of my previous interpretation of past uncomfortable experiences.
I was just a child trying to make sense of it all. I began to believe, that the pain of the experiences, told me I was somehow ‘not good enough’, that there was something ‘wrong’ with me.
The emotion was right, something WAS wrong, flawed, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough.
But it was not ME that was wrong, flawed, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough. The real truth is... That it was MY EXPERIENCES that was wrong, MY EXPERIENCES that was flawed, MY EXPERIENCES that was unwanted, MY EXPERIENCES that was unworthy, MY EXPERIENCES that was not good enough.
I was ABSOLUTELY right about SOMETHING being wrong, flawed, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough. BUT it just was not ME. It was my EXPERIENCES that was.
I was such a smart kid, I got it absolutely right in my judgement of my experiences.
Unfortunately, my child brain made an error of judgement when I started to believe that I was to blame for my experiences and that I was somehow wrong, flawed, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough. Made ME responsible and the reason FOR my experiences. That was not so smart. No child is consciously responsible for the actions and activities of the world around it. No child is therefore consciously responsible for the experiences it has. - LOA start I came forth from source energy, as source energy. To reveal the truth to myself. To reveal the truth of me, the truth of this world and the truth of the universe. To myself. I wanted to awaken, more than anything. I am here to make manifest the glory of God/The Universe/That greater thing within me. I am here to live in the contrast, sifting through and sorting out. What I do want and what I don’t want. And not all, if hardly any of the things that I truly want, is in the physical. What I so dearly want is emotional. It is to feel unbounded, capable, free, elated, joyful, grateful, ecstatic, in flow, in harmony. I came forth to live MY truth, feeling safe, feeling loved, feeling at home and belong. Now my emotional guidance system is telling me if what I am thinking is in alignment with these my deepest desires or if I am not. - LOA end I did my very best, with the brain I had available, at the time of my experiences. Now my emotional guidance system is telling me if what I am thinking and believing is in alignment with or out of whack from, my deeper truth.
If I think ‘I am not good enough’ I get an uncomfortable emotional response. If I think ‘I AM good enough’ I get a better feeling emotional response. I might not BELIEVE in it - but the better feeling is unmistakable. Especially if I PRETEND, just for a moment, to believe that I AM good enough. then I actually DO feel better in that moment. Feeling good is USUALLY my indicator of TRUTH. Maybe the pain is an indicator of where my child brain got it WRONG. What if, ALL my emotional pains are simply trying there best to show me where my beliefs are ‘off’? What if my uncomfortable emotions are not here to torment me. But here to help me identify and update the beliefs my child brain got wrong? OMG… I could stop blaming, shaming and judging myself as being wrong, flawed, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough. I was just a child, I forgive myself I did not know any better at the time. I am not wrong, my child brain ‘just’ got it wrong. I forgive myself for putting ALL THAT on myself. Ohhh, that feels soo much better than the blame, the shame and the self-critique. I now know, deep deep down in my heart of hearts, that it was NOT me, but my experience that was wrong, flawed, unwanted, unworthy, not good enough.
I now know, deep deep down in my heart of hearts, that it was NOT me, was is wrong. ‘What went wrong, was my child brains interpretations and subsequent beliefs.
I now know, that every belief I hold (A thought I habitually think). Is simply a neural network, formed by my child brain. Some things my child brain got right. Some things needs serious adjusting.
I want to do that adjusting WITH LOVE for me. Not in a fight with me. I am done believing that I am my own worst enemy. I am not. I was ALWAYS ‘on my side’ I just was not able to make good sense of everything that I experienced.
Looking back, as best I can. I totally get why I, as a child, had such a hard time making good sense of my world and my experiences. I totally understand AND forgive the child in me, who fought SO bravely to keep us alive and afloat. It was not easy to make sense of all that, back then. Trying to find perfection in what went on.
But I am grateful that I now know. That I am not to blame for my misgivings about myself, others and the world. I am free to let go of any shame - Any negative "I am..." I am NOT my own worst enemy - I really got that one wrong.
I literally ‘just’ have some parts of my neurology, that I would love to update and change.
It all comes down to physically 'faulty wiring' in my brain. Made by a diligent BUT clumsy child 'electrician' - So who CAN blame him/her?
I am no more 'broken' as a human, than I would be had I broken my leg. Shit happens - But we can fix it.
I hope you found this useful. Blessings are upon you, always ❤️ /Martin
Ready for deep, delicious Accelerated Change? Then I have created an online tool/program, specifically to guide and support your process of healing/updating any part of you that causes you issue. Check it out here...
SHARING IS CARING
Who do you know that would benefit from this?
Be their hero and share it now...